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Change is a Process | Life After Separation & Divorce

Change really is a process. Whether you are working your way through a separation or divorce, new job, new routines, or new health habits, it’s going to take time…and that’s ok. Just like it’s important to give yourself time to grieve the vision of your life you lost when your marriage ends, it’s also important to give yourself permission to have setbacks and bad days.

The key is not to dwell on the mistakes or down days. It might sound silly, but a positive attitude goes a long way! Tell yourself you CAN do this and keep moving forward. It takes a long time for something new to become routine.

Even when a change is positive for you, it can feel weird in the beginning. For example, I was so relieved when I finally moved the kids and out into our own place. It was a new beginning I was excited for! Yet, I’ll never forget how strange it felt the first time my kids left in the car with their dad to go stay at his house (which is our old house as a family.) I know it was strange for them too, being there without me. He has always been gone often for work, but not having me around was something new. They did great, I got used to nights alone (well, sorta, lol…it’s still kinda weird and lonely and too quiet!), and now 9 months later, what was once strange, is now normal.

Remembering that change is a process versus a single action can help you keep pushing through. Give new things time, and allow yourself to experience the feelings that go along with the changes, being mindful not to let yourself fall deep into despair, guilt, or helplessness if you make a mistake or the change seems too overwhelming at first. This too will pass, and in the long run you will better for it.