4 Reasons You Should Wait to Date After Divorce
Deciding when it’s right to start dating again after separation or divorce is a very personal decision. It’s going to be influenced by the length of your marriage, why it ended, and your personality. However, there are some very compelling reasons why you should take some time for yourself and your children before you jump back into the dating world. Here are my top 4 reasons you should wait to date after divorce or separation!
1. Chances are if you are separated, you’ve been through something big that got you there and you have some healing to do. Even if you don’t *think you do — trust me, you do! Whatever path led you to be in the situation you are in left some wounds you need to work through. Consider some therapy, even if it’s only a few sessions, to help yourself talk through and discover the wounds you may not even realize you have yet. Too scared to go talk to someone? Try a counselor from a site like Better Help where you can email with a therapist. Enjoy some independence!
2. Try new things and figure out what YOU like without the influence of someone else. There’s no one there to make you feel silly about trying a pole dancing class, learning pottery, or finally engaging in historical reenactments like you’ve always thought about. So go take up yoga, go to a paint night, learn how to paddleboard, or start that blog. Do YOU!
3. Being a single mom means you are super busy. Do you have time to fit someone else in right now? Using this time to build your relationship with your children is important. Remember, they are going through something extremely new and difficult too, and need your love and attention more than ever. Rushing to date may also hurt their feelings. They need time to adjust the changes divorce brings, too.
4. Now that you’ve been through the ringer instead of a fairy tale, take time to figure out exactly what is you really want in a relationship. For starters, make a MANifestation list. What’s that, you ask? It’s an actual list you write out with all of the traits you desire in your next partner. Use the power of attraction to help draw the right person to you. Instead of focusing on what you DON’T want in a partner, try focusing on what you DO want. Knowing what you want helps you look for and attract just that. Even though I believe in the power of putting out into the universe what you desire and attracting that to you, it’s imperative to also make a non-negotiable list. This is a list of all the things that are your deal breakers. and will vary for all of us. For me, they are things like no smoking, no addictions, and no excessive alcohol consumption. These are the automatic no’s — traits that mean instant rejection because they are things you can absolutely not tolerate in your next relationship.
Personally, I’ve been separated now for a year and a half, and have not yet even entertained the idea of dating again. I’m really enjoying my time to be ME, but I do look forward to the adventures that lie ahead after our official divorce. What has your experience been?