Making the decision to get separated or divorced is difficult…SO many feels involved!!! But once it’s been agreed upon, in addition to the relief you may feel, there’s grief. The depth of that feeling depends on your relationship. For example, you could have profound grief if you were not the one who initiated the end, or if you are still in love but other issues forced the decision. You might think that if the separation is bringing you great relief, you won’t have any mourning…but most likely, you will, even if only a little. The most important thing to remember? Allow yourself to grieve.

Even if you’ve been unhappy for years, you lost a dream of your future together. I’m sad that I will probably never experience a 50th wedding anniversary. It’s hard to cope with the idea that my future grandkids’ time will be divided among even more homes now. And I get sad thinking about the *idea* of that long term relationship, even if I don’t miss the *reality* of our marriage. I wrote about my moment of grief a few months back. My relationship was so damaged by the time I finally decided we had to end it, that my post-separation grief was almost non-existent…I had actually done most of my grieving while we were still together.

Other friends have had their whole worlds crash down on them seemingly out of nowhere, and so were obviously more hard hit when the reality of living separately arrived. Depression, moments of total loneliness, etc….it’s all normal, and it’s all ok.

It’s ok to allow yourself to feel that grief and process it. You lost a whole future you had created in your mind and depended on. You lost someone who was, at one point in time, your best friend. It’s ok to have mixed emotions and be sad. Just please, don’t stay in that place.